Sexual Attraction and Orientation

As people pass from childhood into their teen years and beyond, their bodies develop and change. So do their emotions and feelings.

Adolescence Is a Time of Change

During the teen years, the hormonal and physical changes of puberty usually mean people start noticing an increase in sexual feelings. It's common to wonder and sometimes worry about new sexual feelings.

It takes time for many people to understand who they are and who they're becoming. Part of that involves better understanding of their own sexual feelings and who they are attracted to.

What Is Sexual Orientation?

Sexual orientation is the emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction that a person feels toward another person. There are several types of sexual orientation; for example:

• Heterosexual. People who are heterosexual are romantically and physically attracted to members of the opposite sex: Heterosexual males are attracted to females, and heterosexual females are attracted to males. Heterosexuals are sometimes called "straight."
• Homosexual. People who are homosexual are romantically and physically attracted to people of the same sex: Females who are attracted to other females are lesbian; males who are attracted to other males are often known as gay. (The term gay is sometimes used to describe homosexual individuals of either sex.)
• Bisexual. People who are bisexual are romantically and physically attracted to members of both sexes.
• Asexual. People who are asexual may not be interested in sex, but they still feel emotionally close to other people.

During the teen years, people often find themselves having sexual thoughts and attractions. For some, these feelings and thoughts can be intense and seem confusing. That can be especially true for people who have romantic or sexual thoughts about someone who is the same sex they are. "What does that mean," they might think. "Am I gay?"

Being interested in someone of the same sex does not necessarily mean that a person is gay — just as being interested in someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean a person is straight. It's common for teens to be attracted to or have sexual thoughts about people of the same sex and the opposite sex. It's one way of sorting through emerging sexual feelings.

Some people might go beyond just thinking about it and experiment with sexual experiences with people of their own sex or of the opposite sex. These experiences, by themselves, do not necessarily mean that a person is gay or straight.

The Importance of Talking

For people of all sexual orientations, learning about sex and relationships can be difficult. It can help to talk to someone about the confusing feelings that go with growing up — whether that someone is a parent or other family member, a close friend or sibling, or a school counselor.

It's not always easy to find somebody to talk to. But many people find that confiding in someone they trust (even if they're not completely sure how that person will react) turns out to be a positive experience.

In many communities, youth groups can provide opportunities for LGBT teens to talk to others who are facing similar issues. Psychologists, psychiatrists, family doctors, and trained counselors can help them cope — confidentially and privately — with the difficult feelings that go with their developing sexuality. They also help people find ways to deal with any peer pressure, harassment, and bullying they might face.

Whether gay, straight, bisexual, or just not sure, almost everyone has questions about physically maturing and about sexual health — like if certain body changes are "normal," what's the right way to behave, or how to avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It's important to find a doctor, nurse, counselor, or other knowledgeable adult to be able to discuss these issues with.

Is Masturbation Healthy?

Lots of people masturbate! Even if they don't talk about it, it’s common for people of any gender or age to do it. Even before puberty, children sometimes discover that touching their genitals feels good. If you have kids and notice them touching their genitals, let them know that masturbating is completely normal, but something they should do in private.

People masturbate for different reasons — it helps them relax, they want to understand their body better, they want to release sexual tension, or their partner isn’t around. But most people masturbate because it feels good. Many people think that masturbation is only something you do when you don’t have a sex partner. But both single people and people in relationships masturbate.  

Some people masturbate often, others rarely, and some people don’t masturbate at all. Different people masturbate in different ways, for different reasons. Masturbation is a totally personal decision, and there’s no “normal” way to go about it.

You may have heard some crazy things about masturbation being bad for you, like it makes you grow hair in weird places; it causes infertility; it shrinks your genitals; or once you start masturbating you’ll become addicted to it. None of that’s true. Masturbation isn’t unhealthy or bad for you at all. Masturbation can actually be good for your health, both mentally and physically. And it’s pretty much the safest sex out there.

Is it OK to masturbate if you’re in a relationship?

Definitely. Lots of people in relationships masturbate. Masturbating when you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner isn’t satisfying you. It’s a great way to figure out what you like and what makes you have an orgasm. Then you can show or tell your partner what feels good. Talking about sex with your partner can make it more fun and can even make your relationship stronger. Some people masturbate at the same time as their partner. It’s a way to be sexual together without having any risk of STDs or pregnancy.